it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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