my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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