How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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