Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
