Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
