Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
