..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
