Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my poor anus
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
