He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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