Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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