I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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