Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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