google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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