I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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