If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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