ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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