Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
