yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
