Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
