I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
