Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
