I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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