Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
