Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
