Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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