Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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