I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
