Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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