: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
