Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
