you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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