New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
