I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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