If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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