If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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