What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
