i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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