It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
