I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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