Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
