Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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