yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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