the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
