My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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