i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
