i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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