DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize