Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
