I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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