Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
