I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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