I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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