Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry my hands just texted you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
