Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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