my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
