We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
