is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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