I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
