gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
