dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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