So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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