I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
