I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
