you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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